Always Waiting...

State of Min[e]d

2008-05-20T02:10:00.000-07:00

I have to just think positively. I know that he could possibly be just jealous of all the attention that I have been receiving. And is simply reacting in such a way to exclude me. To let himself shine brightly.

He would merely glow, in my brilliance.

T A S C H E N

2008-02-28T17:34:00.001-08:00

So, we had to make a book cover for a book of our choice. In your face Taschen. LOL

Christmas Time

2007-12-25T23:19:00.000-08:00

Sadly I wasn't able to get my family any great presents. Well I actually wasn't able to get them anything. Finals and school just kinda of put a kink on things.
So I made them a card. They were understanding.

Piece of a Final

2007-12-18T17:20:00.000-08:00

Here is a piece of a final for the most dreadful digital class I have ever had. Not only did the class have no direction, but not much was taught during my first semester. Thank God I don't have to deal with him ever again.

A friend once told me "9999"

2007-12-01T11:05:00.000-08:00

A good friend of mine once told me about a philosophy of his. Well one of his friends and him.

9999

The simple meaning behind the Quadra-nine, is to do everything to your absolute fullest. Never making any excuses. Always giving it your all in all aspects of your life. A great concept. Looking back on my life I see that I could have pushed myself to the fullest. What better time to start then today.

Thanks Matt.

Carbon Footsteps

2007-09-19T22:53:00.001-07:00

Just some fun that I had in PS. Its a response to a topic we have been talking about in my HS class.

Everyone is born into a culture...

2007-09-13T21:30:00.000-07:00

... a set of shared ideas about the nature of reality, the nature of right and wrong, evaluation of what is good and desirable, and the nature of the good and desirable versus the bad and nondesirable...As totally depndent infants are socialized - taught rules, roles and relatioinships the social world..[I]n the process we learn to think, act, and feel as we are "supposed to."

From a reading we had to do in class. Just think about it.

Bros VS Hoes

2007-09-03T16:16:00.000-07:00

Good question? I d k.

Update: Under appreciated 8/23/07

2007-08-23T10:38:00.000-07:00

It so went well.

Under Appreciated

2007-08-21T17:12:00.000-07:00

To add to the same matters as before. I have come to learn that some of my co-workers, have had a slightly greater pay raise then I.

Ray - Wage = [9.50]-------Worked @ CarePlus [2.5 years]
Dasha - Wage = [9.50]---------Worked @ CarePlus[1 year]
Anna - Wage = [9.50]----------Worked @ CarePlus[unk]
Jenny - Wage = [11.00]----Worked @ CarePlus[7 months]
Casey - Wage = [12.00]--------Worked @ CarePlus[6 months]
Sarah - Wage = [9.50]---------Worked @ CarePlus[2 months]
Becky - Wage = [9.50]---------Worked @ CarePlus[2 months]

Does it seem a little off balance? I would think so. Lets hope tomorrows meeting goes over well.

Occupational Eutopia

2007-08-17T19:24:00.000-07:00

It seems every time i find that I'm content with my work standards, something comes a long to slap me in the face. I simply just want to be settled. I suppose I have many, many years till I can do what I want.

Design: Mag Cover ver. 1

2007-08-13T21:21:00.000-07:00

Ok, sense I got my CS3, I have been kind of just wanting to come straight home and do nothing else. I hope to learn more when Cornish comes about.

eHarmony

2007-08-07T11:54:00.000-07:00

Being an average American, I'm sure you have seen the eHarmony commercials. Now being of the affluent gay community, you would probably know that they do not offer any services for same sex couples. At first I was outraged by it until a couple days ago. In my blog-hopping, I came across a great entry, written by an even greater person, who's writings have enthralled me.

Dr. John Corvino, a noted philosopher, moralist, and gay-rights advocate, had written an article regarding this argument of eHarmony on a great forum, The Independent Gay Forum. His argument, rather then being for the change, explained the opposite. An article which deserves a good read.

Plus hes a not bad looking.

Click here to read eDisharmony

Airports

2007-08-06T13:48:00.001-07:00

Rebecca's home!

Complete, of my own volition...

2007-08-03T10:06:00.000-07:00

This week, I was asked to come into work on one of my days off. Granted I would usually jump at the opportunity, to make everything run well. Usually the drive being, I just wanted the Clinic to run smoothly, and have no added stress to my superiors.

Now, this would be my routine whenever anything came up with the clinic. I would try my best to make sure everything was fine. Sacrificing my needs for others. I for one day, wanted to not have that burden. I shouldn't have that burden. Well the situation elevated.

One small discussion turned into a large butting of personality's. And disagreements of attitudes. Finally the first tears, in a really, really long time. I took some what of a formal summary of the account, thinking possibly I might needed it to defend myself, or rather not forget what happened. Kind of sick and morbid desire of self affliction.

Key points that were brought up between the meeting of Nancy Hamlin, and Raymond Dean

-That she was looking out for daria
-Strep +
-Near fainting
-Feeling of throwing up
-Not getting others sick

-That it was my own decision to come in
-That Jeri and Mary were not looking out for Darias Health
-That she was sorry for "my interpertation" of her actions x3
-That blatantly, nothing had happened
-Speaking that she had witnesses, and that they did not feel the same way I did

Observation:

BEGINNING
-Never sat down
-Eating yogurt
-Never made eye contact when i was presenting my situation
-Spoke of "witnesses"

ENDING
-Was going to leave
-Yet, again, not letting me finish
-Said that there was nothing further more for us to talk about

Subjective:

The account in my own words went as follows. I asked Nancy if i could speak to her alone when she didn't have any patients. She said well how about we talk now. So i agreed, and asked if we could go into a room. We went into the room, where i took a seat on one of the rolling stools. She, just coming from the break-room, stood, with her yogurt in hand. I began by trying to explain my situation for today. The reason, why i possibly was grumpy, and that i did sacrifice, coming in today. Eventually completing my thought that i felt her coming on the the phone was rude. (I tried to not sound rude) She then began to discuss her side of the argument/situation. She was very insistent that i know she was looking out for Daria. Listing off a myriad reasons for Daria to go home, and why she should not be at work. Then, myself interjecting that I felt that if she was that sick that she needs to call in prior to her work schedule. I felt that Nancy was repeating things, searching for things to speak about in her defense. Not letting me interject to much, with my own opinion.

8 and half hours later.

Nancy came up to me of her own volition.

"I wanted to let you know, that this morning, when i was talking to you. One of the reasons why i was mad was because I heard that Mary and Jeri told Daria that she had to stay till 1:00, in the state that she was in."

Cornish: Ready, set, go...

2007-06-15T17:40:00.000-07:00

I rcvd this e-mail not to long ago. Starting...

Dear Raymond:

This week you will receive a pre-registration packet for Integrated Studies Classes. These are required first-year courses for all students entering Cornish...,

That made it all to real. I will be starting in just a few months. I constantly find myself thinking that there is more that i need to do, to prepare.

-Finances
-Housing
-My own image
-Physical fitness

I....know I'm ready for whatever comes my way, in...this coming academic adventure. It's just the growth that I would like to make before I get there.

Friendships, are very weird, relationships, are strange

I want a NEW job

2006-01-12T19:09:00.000-08:00

Where is the shame in looking for a new job. I mean thats what i want, if i only had time to go look for one. I need to get a new job that pays better and i can work less days, Im sick of working this 4 hour thingy. Everybody leaves me with all thest things to do. I can never get to them. I suppose its because i do this. But shush! I just want to be able to do my art work, and my homework. I never have any time. Im So going to see if Ced can get me in at Eddie Bauer. We'll have to go to the store together. Anyways. I LOVE ME

Christmas Time & Im at Work

2005-12-20T19:59:00.000-08:00

So many patients

I don't like them

Will you make them go away?

Negative.... -

2005-11-25T18:18:00.000-08:00

Why are so many people choosing to be so negative.

I mean truly, what is the root of all this

I ask you to stop and think before you speak

Be aware of the words that leave your mouth

The words that you say may offend someone

Your not the only one on that end of the stick

Together we can change

Long time, ME wait...

2005-11-23T20:31:00.000-08:00

The sad thing about my job is that i don't have a say for how long i get to stay. Some times i can be here all the way from 4:00 to 9:30. Kinda, sorta, like this time. Its going on 9:00 and i just want to go home, but its kinda nice cause i don't have any school tomorrow. Yea, so that means im going to have to try and find a way to get sushi for lunch, or maybe i just wont, and save my appitite for The big thanxgiving Feast. LOL
I suppose we are going to go to my Uncles New house. thats exciting. LOL, considering the fact that i haven't seen it at all. I jsut have seen the Blue prints. By uncle hes a realestate man. So he is like for sure going to buy the coolest house. LOL. But the thing that gets me, is his daughter. She is so shy of me, and men in general. So its like what is she going to be like when she gets older. is she going to just pop out of her shell. and like surprise the world with her wonder. (sounds kinda dirty) eww, gross thought. LOL.

I Just want to go to cornish. I hate school right now. It seems so pointless. I know have to pass all my classes to graduate. But it doesn't help being told that 24/7. You know. I just want to be. But then again. its nice to have that person push you a long. But i sure do hate mrs. goats-man. Stupid Bitch. I wish i could just do something so....bad....to her. I just don't like her. LOL. I'll have to post the picture that i made of her. Its a pretty bad quickly done photoshoped picture of her. lol, none the less. i shall get one up soom.

CarePlus...

2005-11-23T20:23:00.000-08:00

A really cute boy just asked me if the water was running in the bathroom, we where both in the bathroom together. HEHEHEHE

His name was Jordan Barrels 06 06 88

OK... Enough is enough...

2005-11-21T08:37:00.000-08:00

Im in 1st period right now, and im suppost to be taking pictres, but the sad thing is, is that i can't go anywhere, for 2 reasons. one, i don't have my keys. Krista has it. I feel so stupid for letting her hold on to them. But then on top of that, i can't move my car, cause i Baker put his Bike right behind my car. So it kinda sucks. Anyways, Mowgly is hot, and rainer is cute. LOL

Sweet

Photography

2005-10-31T08:17:00.000-08:00

Im in First period photography, and i have nothing to do. I thought we would hve time for some printing, but i forgot that we had to critiq our "frame it' assignments. Some one liked mine, But it was very literal, So i guess i had it coming.
Im so scared, i don't have anytime to go take photos. I Suppose i could go to the mall today, and try and get some interesting ones there. I hope i don't get any nasty looks. Thats what im kinda scared of is people like wondering why im taking photos. Of people i don't know. I'll just have to make my camera a part of me. LOL. Then people won't think anything different, and i won't as well. (on a side note Krista hates those 2 words "as well")

Well i guess i'll get back to work see what they are doing in the dark room.

...

2005-10-12T21:31:00.000-07:00

I FUCKED UP....MAJORLY!

Bored...

2005-10-12T08:44:00.000-07:00

What to do with my time. That seems to always be the question. I don't seem to have my time anymore. But then again, im getting lots of money for it. Approximately $294.00 before taxes. (damn taxes)

But still the price for all this money is my joy of free time. So everyday before i go to work, im left with the queestion, do i really want to do this.

------------------

I just made my photogram. i'm confused to what is "cool", or not. Like my photogram was really slightyly stupid, but some people think that it did turn out pertty "savavge". So its always hard to plan wha the public will like an what they wont. You just have to go with your guy instinct. LOL.

Damn, im scatter brained.

Moo-lah!!!

2005-10-04T21:23:00.000-07:00

Ok so this is what i have been up to latley. First, I have just recently been givin more hours for my work. Which is very exciting I must say. So I'll be making $7.35 and hour, and be working 4hours, 5 days a week. So from 4-8 which is close. Very exciting, but not that much free time. Which brings me to my second point, Today while i was skipping my 2nd period, I read my horoscope and what was intersting was that it said something to the effect of me having to make a careful balance between what brings me happyness and what brings me profit. Which is kinda scary, cause i just got more hours. I do beilve that it is very strangly connected. But besides that, i have been informed that i have been nominated for homecoming lord. Which i prolly wont get, but would be very exciting if i did. Atleast it means that i would have a date to homecomeing. LOL, althuough i didn't really get ask by anybody. But if i get lord, then that means i got asked by everybody in the school. But chase is going to get it, and its just fitting for him to get it. He does deserve it. From what i have heard from what people have said is that hes not that social, Which is a bid surprise for me. Which makes me regret to talk to him more. So thats really all that has been going on.

Lets see what time holds.

Ray-ray

Ronnie Day

2005-09-28T19:39:00.000-07:00

WOW, I love him......

What to do?

2005-09-28T19:16:00.000-07:00

So yea, homecoming is coming up really soon. Well not like ultra soon, but its rearing its ugly, metaphoric head. And once again, im faced with the most disconcerning time of the year for a person like me. Well i suppose for some people like me. I suppose it would be easier if i just, kept myself better. Anyways, what im talking about if you haven't already got it, is that i don't have a date for homecoming. Well I don't have a date that I would really enjoy going with and not feel so self conscious, or be comfortable with. Like I might end up going with Deanna, but I wish I was going with someone that I would remember for the rest of my life. Like my dream would be to go with Tyler. He is like the most amazing person in the world. He is amazingly talented in singing, and gifted with the most amazing presence in the world. He always knows how to make people feel comfortable and welcome, and never says the wrong thing. To go with him would be a dream of a life time. But that dream is far from becoming real. I'm pretty sure of that. The thing is, I just wish it didn't have to be so hard for me. To be the person that I am. To be with a person like me. I just have act out more. I have to not be so self conscious. Just put myself out there. No matter the situation.
Like today, although I didn't have the time to, but wanted to, I should have gone and played tennis with Danny and Ray. That would have been fun, and who cares if Chase would have been there. I suppose he would have made fun of me cause I don't know how to play tennis that well. But hey thats where everybody starts. He had to have started from there. In less I say to myself, "hes a god, he didn't have to do anything", which is completly un-true. I have been hearing from people that he doesn't really have any friends. Like someone had said that he only had his tennis friends. And i heard from krista, that he had given a speech about himself saying that he used to feel like such a loner, and felt very depressed. You wold never think that but thats the honest truth. Sadly that made it easier for me to build up the courage to go talk to him, although I haven't done so.

I just have to wait.........